Ah, weddings. The one time in your life that you get to be the centre of attention with all eyes on you. It’s a day of beauty, grace, the most elegant dress and food to die for. Oh, and you’re getting married to the man of your dreams! Weddings are a time of celebration and poise, but they’re also stressful. The sheer magnitude of planning that goes into a wedding is intricate. You could opt for a low-key eloping, but that still takes an element of planning – you have to plan how to dodge the wrath of your mother if you choose to skip off somewhere and elope without say so!
Getting engaged was a good day, wasn’t it? You went for a romantic meal, he popped a question that you squealed yes to before he even had a chance to blink. You’ve been showered with cards and engagement gifts and nudges about setting the date from family. You’ve basked in the love of your new fiancé and you finally stop tilting your new engagement ring into the light to watch it glint. The thing is, no one told you about the downside of getting engaged. No one told you that you’d be fighting over china patterns for your dining set for the registry. No one said you’d be battling it out about the guest list, the seating plan and whether you should go for Pure Invitations collection of wedding invites or whether you should buy the standard ones from the supermarket. Weddings are full of stressful, whispered conversations because while you both know that you want each other, you don’t realise that you want different things where your big day is concerned.
The period where you are both planning a wedding can be laced with arguments. It’s not your fault: you’re two different people who have had very different ideas about what you want from a wedding day for your entire lives. The whole process of wedding planning can show you where you differ as a couple, which is helpful as you can learn where to work on yourselves. However, it’s also a difficult way to discover that you may have differences that are harder to get past. Each wedding-related argument has a reason for it that you may not even realise, and here are five of the most common wedding fights and how you can overcome them together as a couple.
Lack Of Interest In Planning. It’s a universal joke that the bride plans the wedding while the groom just shows up on the day and tries to say the right name. While this humour may be very much incorrect and tongue in cheek, it still has an element of truth for some couples. Not everyone is interested in weddings and are more interested in the marriage part of the deal. After you get engaged, sit together and work out who wants to plan which area of the wedding, and you can work out how interested your future husband will be in the general planning. They may not care about the chair covers or table linens, but they may be very interested in helping you to set the menu for the day. You both should go into wedding planning with the understanding that this is not just a day for the bride, but for you as a couple.
Financial Clashes. One of you wants a luxurious, two-week, all-inclusive vacation in a faraway land for the honeymoon. The other wants to spend the same amount of money on the designer dress of their dreams. Unfortunately, big differences in financial opinion are going to happen and as you are both adults, you can sit together and work it out. Does your dress really need to be a designer affair? Can you get the same style in another brand that works out cheaper? It may be a wedding dress, but let’s not forget that you only wear it for one day and no one in your congregation is going to know the cost (unless you tell them). The honeymoon is the start of your marriage together, but it also may not require two full weeks in the sunshine. Sit together and work out the finances as a couple and you’ll find that it’s easier to come up with solutions to your problems.
Colour Palette Differences. Wedding aesthetics are important…for one of you, but the other doesn’t mind what the colour is they just want to get married. The good news is that this is an easy fix! You could sit together and rate each item of the wedding in its importance out of 10, and then the bits that mean the most to you, you can choose. The rest they can choose and have the bigger say. It’s a day of compromises, as is marriage.
Prenup Talks. A prenup is, in itself, a way to agree finances before getting married and entering into that marital contract. It’s a great way to sit at a table and understand what each of you want from the marriage should it fall apart, and it’s a good way to ensure that you are both covered in the event of divorce later. Obviously, a prenup brings up emotions and feelings of defence – no one goes into a wedding imagining their divorce, after all. It doesn’t have to be that way if you can both enter into that conversation knowing that you want each other forever!
Bridezilla. If your partner has picked up on the fact that you are going out of control when it comes to the wedding details, you probably are. No one wants to be branded as obsessive – especially not if it’s going to cost you your relationship. A beautiful wedding is not a reason to go absolutely crazy, because all that matters in the end is that you marry the man that you love.
Weddings can bring out the stress in all of us; don’t let it bring the excitement of your wedding plans down!